Division 1 Finals Predictions

Since I’ve been living at home again and doing fuck all I’ve started to pack on the pounds. So I recently renewed my gym membership which had expired about three years previously.

After about ten minutes on the treadmill I had become mesmerised by the oscillating motion of my manboobs in the wall-sized mirror in front of me. In this trancelike state it became apparent that just like Division 1, I was paying the price for my inactivity.

With the disturbing analogies out of the way now maybe I can write something useful about European Natural Selection…

Admirable’s Division 1 Finals Predictions

Seven teams started in Division 1 seven weeks ago and as the season reaches its climax only four remain. As I recall things actually started well with the majority of matches being played, but things cooled down in the middle of the season for a plethora of reasons; including French holidays, CnC3 and Macpersil’s love-life.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom around here; exciting things happening in Sweden (who would have thought?) and there are new teams forming already in anticipation of the new season.

Flatline-Ns vs The Sproggalots

No, you don’t have a bad case of déjà vu: last season’s finalists are both back again to slug it out. I had high hopes for The Evil LOLSTEAMROLL Corporation this season, but I guess it was always going to be a two horse race…

Flatline-Ns have finished top of the table again this season with very little effort. The German War Machine has been largely inactive this time around although they managed to squeeze in a few practise games a week they definitely weren’t the most active team competing in ENSL9. This is testament to the excellent teamwork and discipline they have developed over their years playing together. This really is the ace up their sleeve; they all know exactly what needs to be done and understand how to play off of each other. However, anyone who watched the finals last time will know that even the clinical Flatline-Ns can lose their composure. I am pleased to see the return of Cosmic to the roster; she is probably the most active player at the moment along with Handschuh and scratchie. Steam Community tells me that the three big hitters (HiVeFiSh, M and saep) haven’t been putting in the hours but if any one of them can find some form on the day, we will have a game on our hands!

All eyes are on The Sproggalots in this game as they seek to defend their title and perhaps silence their critics once and for all. It seems to have been a frustrating season for the Sproggans. A lack of willing and/or quality opponents has seen some players interest start to wane and the standard of play slip a little. A tendency to Rambo has crept in and players have been making avoidable errors all too frequently over the last few weeks, but to their credit things have been improved recently. The long laid plans of Altbst have come to fruition and now that he has acquired a new PC he has established himself as quality player within the Sprogga line-up. His e-boyfriend and mentor, GreeN, still has things on lockdown and is easily the most lethal player on the team. His direct style of play guarantees that when he is in the field muhfuckas gon die! The Sprogga Alien Round is as tight as a drum and I can’t see them losing one, but if any team is going to beat them it will be Flatline-Ns. The Marine Round is a weakness, not least due to the aforementioned Ramboing, but also due to klawz inexperience in the Comm Chair. He has gone from strength to strength since he joined The Sproggalots and his medding is some of the best around, but there are some scenarios where he is still not 100% confident.

Impact players:
~flatline.ns ` : Cosmic (Marine\Skulk), HiVeFiSh (Marine\Fade), saep (Comm)
sprogga ~ : GreeN (Marine\Fade), Altbst (Marine\Skulk), Sheep (Lerk)

Flatline-Ns 1 - 3 The Sproggalots

Adz’ Final Thought: I was tempted to predict a draw but that would be terribly boring. Give Cosmic RCON and let the drama commence!

I was hoping I’d be around to ShoutCast this but it is looking less likely now what with the impending brewathon that is my birthday tonight, where’s my fucking card jiriki you bastard! :D

Good luck to both teams and congratulations again to Snowrollers! <3

Forehead out.
Admirable on 15 March 08 21:33



Blank scratchie

:D n1,

15 March 2008, 22:14


Blank atman

whoa, most disturbing intro of an ensl newspost yet 8O

15 March 2008, 22:54


Blank Oetel

admirable becoming fat, what's the news in this post!

16 March 2008, 00:40


Blank GibbZ | 9L

phil (marine/skulk) cosmic (skulk) hivefish (fade/marine) morvie (marine)

green(marine/fade) sheep(lerk) alty(skulk)(mouse broke so hes using mx518 = cant aim due to lack of confidence) enigmatic (marine)

sorry Ad but enigmatic is the BEST marine in sprogga. End of. If hes not in ur predictions they must be bad!

16 March 2008, 05:37


Blank GibbZ | 9L


16 March 2008, 05:38


Blank Hammond | coolclan


16 March 2008, 12:34


Blank Iots | el'pheer

too long didnt read lol

16 March 2008, 13:38


Blank gobot | Stray Dogs

alty(skulk)(mouse broke so hes using mx518 = cant aim due to lack of confidence)

ahaha excuses :P

16 March 2008, 14:41


Blank GibbZ | 9L

It's not an excuse gobot. Alty gets easily demoralised... and can really underperform because of it. He's like me and mousepads.

I was slightly drunk when I wrote that but still enigmatic deserves a place in the impacts.

Besides morvies sging = wins.

16 March 2008, 16:24


Blank ares | The Team

prepare for BB's shoutcasting ^_^

16 March 2008, 17:36


Blank Admirable | coolclan

I tell you what GibbZy McCuntcunt, when you write the predictions you can make the impact players!

One too many forehead jokes from Anita Eskola...
Who's laughing now, you non-impact player you!

Eat a dick, bitches! :D

16 March 2008, 21:26


Blank Sharpi

you are too sexy for your mug

16 March 2008, 21:49


Blank saep | Ant

im not playing, haha ;P

16 March 2008, 23:31


Blank enigmatic | 9L

u shouldve made me impact zo/

17 March 2008, 01:04


Blank skipjack | miau

saep's gonna cheap shot the comm and then stun lock until the base is down! lol

17 March 2008, 01:09


Blank Arj | Ant

aint scratchie in the comm?

18 March 2008, 11:21


Blank Admirable | coolclan

They all comm :D
I think L@ugh is the favourite but he is inactive?

18 March 2008, 18:44

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